For those who know my dad, words like gentle, respectable, and shy would describe his personality. He’s become an elder at our church and has been a faithful servant. Not those outward, loud, and attention-grabbing servants, but a reserved, quiet, yet, well-known, servant. To many people’s surprise, he wasn’t always a Christian. He came from a line of Buddhists and converted to Christianity after marrying my mom. I asked him about the turning point in his life. The big question was, “What made you believe in God?”
And this was his story:
All the anger against God stemmed from the rigid rules my mom enforced. Why did he have to go to some building every Sunday at 9AM sharp? Why was his money going to someone who didn’t even exist in his reality? Most of all, why was he adhering to all these rules for a woman who was more in love with this stranger than her own husband?
All these questions led him to open his crisp, rarely used Bible. He decided to find out who this stranger was and what his hold was on his wife. He grabbed a pad of paper and a pen, and opened to Genesis 1. From the first word of Genesis, to the last word in Revelation, he wrote down every adjective that the Bible used to describe his mystery man. By the end of it all, through hundreds of adjectives, even he couldn’t deny the awesomeness of God.
So, to follow in his footsteps, I’ve decided to embark on this journey. For those who doubt, or those who want to grow deeper in love, answer the question, “What made you believe in God?” for yourself.
Since the days of H.O.T., G.O.D., BSB, and all the other luscious boy band acronyms, I’ve seen music as my life. It’s not to say I was very good at it but I had a secret love for it. Little do people know the deliciously embarrassing things I’ve done in sharing my love for entertainment. To touch on a few, I’ve gone from cutting out every celebrity I admire out of newspapers and gluing them in a notebook (which I have taken a picture of), to writing my own Korean song. I’ve even boldly stepped into the building of SM Entertainment to audition, only to have been kicked out because it was a weekday and there were celebrities littering the hallways. I’m pretty sure no one knows these facts about me but from these truths I know that my heart always lied in entertainment. It was more than a short fantasy to become a star. I don’t see myself anywhere else. There are only a few months left until I board a plane to head to Orlando, to see what fate has in store for me. So far, I’ve gone from cut up pictures of celebrities, to making my dream my own by auditioning. Since then, I’ve had training and a photo shoot, with pictures to come, and now I’m awaiting my dress rehearsal which is in a few weeks. The first tumblr post sparked a lot of donations but I’m still shy of my financial goal and am still in need of a lot of prayer. I’ll be hosting a BBQ Fundraising Event next weekend but if you are unable to make it, click that little button on the bottom left corner =)
Johan Thörnqvist (via Snarlik.se – Johan Thörnqvist)
DARK WINGS
16” x 22”
pencil and gouache on paper
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Presenting you my newest illustration Dark Wings which is also a self-portrait. Click the image to view the making of on Vimeo. Cheers.
It’s been two days since mayhem has unfolded in the Chun household, four since my life began to unravel. I’ve run into encouragement, opposition, and most of all, questions. “Do you think this is your calling?” “What if you don’t land a contract, then what?” And the all time favorite, “What about medical school?”
Here’s my answer: I don’t know.
The best I can do is guess. I can only tell you what I THINK will happen or what I THINK is going on. But ultimately, I don’t know. If you asked me a month ago if I was going to withdraw, my answer would have been a firm, “No.” If you asked me if I was going to go on a casting call, I would have laughed it off and said, “I would never do something like that.” But in a matter of a month, everything changed, and I find myself doing things that I never had the boldness to do.
Let me clarify. I’m only walking through an open door. I’m finding encouragement through the people I would have least expected, along with so many friends and few family members. If you think this is all excitement, please don’t be fooled. Here’s a small taste of what’s going on at home:
The one statement that stuck was something my dad said when I told him that this was my dream. He said, “Look around. Ask people if they achieved the dream that they had when they were younger. It doesn’t happen. Not everyone achieves their dreams. You really disappointed us this time.”
My brother said, “You’re pretty. You have talent. But you’re not Giselle and among the talented, you’re just average. This will not be a career that lasts when you’re 50. I’m giving you a wake up call.”
A friend reminded me that even in the midst of discouragement, there is encouragement. Opposition is better than indifference. They care.
This morning, while I was reflecting on everything going on, I started feeling overwhelmed and fell apart. I felt I was too weak to face everything and I started to doubt myself. But in that moment, I got a call from the agency. They had called to see if I had any questions or concerns. I broke down and expressed what was going on at home. The agent spent 15 minutes praying for peace in my household, for courage, and for faith. She then spent another 15 minutes encouraging me and reminding me that I am gifted and success isn’t measured by fame or money. Success is walking in the steps that God has planned and walking by faith.
“So let hope rise and darkness tremble in your holy light…”
Many secretly dream of the spotlight and watch in awe the A-list stars strutting down the red carpet. Listening to Korean pop stars back in the 90s as a middle school student I dreamt and prayed that God would use me as a singer. I’d concoct images of myself on a stage. I never thought it would actually happen. Entertainment and Christianity don’t mix, right?! But I want a voice.
For so long now, I’ve been (literally) running around trying to find where I fit in. I lived as an odd square peg, jamming itself into a round hole. From graduating with an Economics degree at NYU to switching gears and “dedicating” myself to medicine my heart could not be tricked. I didn’t want to disappoint my parents, I wanted security, and most of all, I believed in my intellect more than I did my gifts and talents. I was raised to believe that I could do whatever I put my mind to as long as it was something safe. “Be a lawyer! Be a doctor! Be whatever it is that will land you security and a good husband.”
This year (actually just this month), in my last semester of my Pre-med track, I withdrew from school. I began fighting with myself and with God. The first few weeks of my withdrawal period, I felt irresponsible and guilty. I had wasted my parents’ money on schooling thus far and I became a hermit.
I cried out to God, asking him to just see me, my struggles, and my pain. I became sick at the realization that I basically lived a double life, mostly the life that others wanted me to live.
So, last week I Googled “Christian talent agency.” I just did it. Of all the possible words to enter in a Google search it was those three. Up popped amtcworld.com. Coincidentally (fate?), I found that they were having a casting call in Secaucus, New Jersey, that weekend. Totally unprepared I signed up anyway. I drove the 2.5 hours to be auditioned by an amazing woman of God who happened to own the company (fate?)! I went in to model but was also required to read a script, and was asked to sing. I did all three: the walk, the song, the act.
I left with low expectations thinking that if I walked away from a closed door it would help me move on and solidify my desire to become a doctor. But I got the callback, yesterday. The NFL ringtone on my phone went off. And thus began my first day of training at the talent agency…
I believe God gives us passions and desires in our hearts. He was faithful in my prayer, even when I didn’t believe in them or in myself. Although the entertainment industry is a dark world, I believe I’ve been called to shine His light, more so, in the darkest places.
So what awaits me? I am now enrolled in their program where I will be coached and cross trained to be a model, singer, and actress. This program prepares me for a HUGE six-day convention in Orlando in July where I’ll be trained to showcase my talent and best-case scenario, leave with a contract.
However, this program, as well as everything in life, requires funds. So, I’m asking for donations. My goal is to raise $6000. I will be having a fundraising event but I realize I will not reach this goal on burgers, hot dogs, and baked goods so I’ve set up a PayPal account.
Even more than money, I need prayer. I have faith but every soldier can fall. I want to remain humble and not be tempted by money or fame. So please, keep me in prayer and prayerfully consider donations.
If your heart is not in it, then by all means, place your money elsewhere. But if you want to support me by contributing even $1, I would be honored to give you a shout-out on screen someday. But don’t hold me to it!
Thanks for sitting and reading this.
-Follow your dreams and expect the unexpected-
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